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The Actors' Survival Guide.  Page 1 2 3 4 5 6
 
   
     
 

Etiquette for Actors

  • Establish your importance by eating the crew’s donuts while they’re building the set.
  • Show the makeup artist your cold sore after she dips your makeup sponge back into the makeup.  You get free makeup this way.
  • Whenever you flub a line, look at the script, crumple it into a ball and mutter, “I bet this clown never wrote a script before.”
  • Whenever you hear a crew member use the phrase “meat puppet,” show your pride for the acting craft  by grabbing your crotch and yelling, “Hey, I’ve got your meat puppet right here!”
  • As soon as you hear “action!,” ask your director what your motivation is.
  • Make snorting noises into the microphone between takes.
  • Whenever you work with children and you accidentally damage a prop, hide it somewhere near the kids and go get a cup of coffee or something.
  • Make conversation with foreign directors by saying, “Hey, how much you want to bet my daddy kicked your daddy’s ass in World War II?”
  • Every chance you get, say, “Hey, what time’s lunch?”
  • Speaking of lunch...don't say "ka-ching" when you go into meal penalties or golden time. Unless you're absolutely positive the producer's out of earshot. Then you can "ka-ching" your ass off.
  • Go out for drinks with the crew. Leave without paying.
  • After you wrap, call your other actor friends and casually mention, “Oh, did I tell you I was on a shoot today?"
  • Rember: It's all about you.

 

     

In the eyes of the crew, there are two species on every set: humans and actors. 

Here are a few tips to bridge the gap between the two. You might not get respect. The best you can hope for is tolerance.

The reason: generations of actors before you thought the gig was all about them.

by Richard Bischoff
©2002, Richard Bischoff
 May not be reprinted without permission

 
 
 
   
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